JQ

JQ is a Chicago native who founded the AAEE (Americans Against Eating Eggplant). To the nation of vegetarians who cries blasphemy and calls him a “vegist,” J maintains, “It’s not the taste, it’s a texture thing…plus, it makes the roof of my mouth all itchy.” He spends most of his days worrying about whether his hi-tech phone will give him testicular cancer from being pressed up against his balls in his gay skinny-ass ladies’ jeans. He is responsible for making the group’s beats and when asked which computer program he uses, he replied, “I use this,” and pulled a Sony Walkman out of his windbreaker, adding, “It’s one of those dope ones, though. It’s got auto-reverse.” The rest of J’s time is spent memorizing useless facts about barometric pressure and trying to get girls to go to bed with him despite sores on his penis, which he says are “just really dry skin. I swear, baby, now c’mon. We’re so in love.”